2009 February - Aquarius

*lol* Yes, indeed, this subject was occupying me this week. I was supposed to come up with a German translation for something. Two verses. Somehow I thought, man, did this lady order a horoscope with Tarot.com and didn’t get the meaning, or what? There was this one line in there, referring to the age of the aquarius, and instantaneously I kept humming this very song.

Well, I delivered my translation, just to find myself google the lyrics of ‘Aquarius’ later on, and there it was… she actually made me give her the text for the Hair song… *lol* How cute is that? So I thought this would be a more happy beginning to my blog than just venting and whining about how terrible MS can be. ;-P

True, my friends, I have another one of these nice MS-hug nights behind me and I’m still aching pretty bad, on top of this giant head cold/sore throat thing I’m experiencing this week already. Good that I’m away on sick leave.

How can something that soft (a hug) explain this choking feeling one experiences with an MS-hug, I ask you? Who ever came up with that word? In the results from my neurologist, she used the term ‘tied in thorax feeling’. Nicely put words to describe such torture, torture on a regular basis, torture you don’t exactly know where it comes from. It’s just referred to Multiple Sclerosis. And yes, it’s known that MSers have that. Well thank you. 

 

(This is choking around the throat... not how I felt like...)

(mine felt like this...)

(and like this...)

It was bad during the day (the coughing), so each time I tried to lie down I started coughing, so I sat straight up all day long. Not good with MS. With MS you’re supposed to align your body several times during the day, lie down flat, the brain the same height like your feet. I couldn’t do that. It just wouldn’t work.

Couldn’t focus much yesterday, but I managed to prepare dinner somehow. Still no laundry done, still no pie baked, neither one of those other thousand things I would have time for this week. At some point I gave up and went to bed. Which was easy, because my 15-year-old daughter decided to listen to some story cd’s by headphones and she went to bed the same time. Prime time! I felt like 78 years old or something, and… I was in pain. I was planning on continuing to watch ‘Beauty & The Beast’. Remember the 80’s series on tv? I bought all three seasons a while ago, but… unfortunately the player in the bedroom said that these dvd’s are not ment to be for this country, and not for much money would I’ve gotten up again and sat on the couch in the living room , again!

I decided to take one of those wonderful painkillers my doctor gave me. But for some reason they didn’t help AT ALL. Even though they were 800 mg Ibuprofen! A different brand I usually have. Keep in mind that it was 8:15 pm. At ..11:45 pm.. I rose up again, just to rub in this magical pain ointment of mine, but it still hurt, so I made Peter rub it in my back as well. At some point I drifted off to sleep, but just to find myself toss and turn the whole night. So I’m not really rested at all. I’m still aching, and I called the doctor to send me a NEW prescription for a NEW pack of my old (!) Ibuprofen 800’s. I insisted on this particular brand, and I really don’t care if the health insurance will pay for them or not. I NEED THEM, nothing else will do!

(This is the two different brands... I figure the bigger box is cheaper, but is that why it doesn't help me at all?)

..

(...and as you can see... it DOES have different ingredients!)

..

But you know what stuns me the most? That my doctors refuse to see where all this pain comes from. I mean before I was diagnosed I was perfectly healthy, never ill, not even for a day. And with all these side effects and stuff, the by packed slips of the meds even say like ‘…this could cause skin problems…’ or ‘…this will mess up your period…’. My doctors just say that it isn’t that (!), my house doctor, the neurologist, the skin doctor, the gynaecologist and so on… why don’t they see it as clearly as I am, I don’t understand?

Once, I ordered a scale from the so called ‘German Pain League’. There major concern goes to migraine patients, but pain is pain, isn’t it? So this scale has a range from 0 until 10. My thorax lace in feeling aches up to a point of 24 I estimate, usually. But last night it was a good 32 (!) on that scale! It’s open in my eyes, like the Richter scale for earthquakes… ;-/ You don’t want to feel this, trust me. You get bundled up or tied in like a parcel, but not like choking around the throat, it’s more of right underneath the breast. And on top of that, two elephants try to make a sandwich out of you, one from the back, between the shoulder pads, and one from the front, right between your breasts. WONDERFUL!

..

I was going to start my blog with the remark of adoration for Dorothy, who always manages to write such wonderful blogs about the bible, or Misty, who explains single parts out of the bible for normal human beings like me, to understand the ancient meaning of the Word of God. I wish I could do that, too. But then I continued thinking and got mad at God, and wondered WHY He would let such pain happen to me? I understand He wants to form us and to teach us lessons, but why can’t He just push us in the right direction, give us hints, or lead us to where He wants us to go? Like a slap on the fingers of little children to make them understand ‘NO!’…? Or why wouldn’t He TALK to us for once. I’m sure I would UNDERSTAND, no need to torture me or others. L Joyce Meyer would call me a baby Christian, so I still have to live and learn, but does it have to hurt that much…?

Enough of my rambling for the day, because I feel lucky being able to stay at home this week. Not having to prepare any English at all. Well, I did so for the adults on Monday, to earn some bucks… And the week will end with a dinner invitation over to an Italian restaurant (my aunt’s treat!)

Then yesterday we found out that we’ll have a French exchange student (Roxane is her name, she looks nice) over at our home for 10 days in March. This is so exciting, being able to practice some French then. J I wonder when Sabrina will have to go to ....France....?

My daughter gets treated to a theatre visit today! My aunt is going to take her to one of the events of the Berthold Brecht weeks in ....Augsburg..... I’m happy she’s getting introduced to some culture, because with the level of education we (her parents) have, we didn’t get the chance to participate in an exchange student project, nor was there any cultural support for pupils at all. And my aunt is very interested in drawing, classical music and theatre… Which is nice for a change. I don’t even remember who Berthold Brecht was, but he was from Augsburg. Well, I guess Sabrina will be able to tell me afterwards. ;-)

 

Furthermore I’m working on a surprise gift for the wedding of Rico & Birgit (on my friendslist!) for all us neighbors, but… can’t post the photo(s), because they might see it in advance, and that really wasn’t the plan! Let me just say this much: it looks adorable, cute, wonderful ;-)

Oh, and it was my grandmother’s 100^th birthday this Monday, and my grandfather would turn 101 next week. So it’s a good week altogether, I would say?

Above all this ‘the Sword of the Damocles’ is still swinging over my head. I went to the skin doctor, remember, to make her check out my red spots on both feet? She performed a punch biopsy and I was supposed to get back the result within two weeks. Then they pulled the thread out of the wound and gave me the result, which really doesn’t say anything at all...

Just assumptions of what it might or might not be. They forwarded me to a skin clinic, where they’ll perform new tests on me.

The magic word is ‘granulomes’, which basically means knots in the skin, possibly on top of inner body parts, like the lung for instance, too… The result says that it’s probably not TBC. (!) 8-o

Tuberculosis??? I thought this is some disease they get in third world countries and they die of it? Very comforting news for me, you know? But when I researched granulomes it said that those very things can cause Fatigue (which I thought stems from the MS!) and they could also cause the thorax tied in feeling (which I also thought stems from the MS!)

So now I’m kinda scared, but looking forward to the treatment at this hospital at the beginning of March at the same time.

(Here below were some pictures of my foot after the surgery, then the wound with the thread in, and then treated with some iodine - above all, notice the dark red spots, which I thought was Petechiae or Purpura...?)

All I need now is… a break from the pain. Hope you’re all well, yes, YOU *pointing at you* reading this right now! *lol* Have a wonderful day and week, my friends. Especially Misty and Karol, and all the MSers!

Hugs *sarcastic*

Regina

(And this btw, is medication I usually take during the day, plus the injections...)